Wandering Hysteria Inducers
by TakoRanko
Summary: [Semicrackish] Series of oneshots or drabbles depicting Yukishiro Enishi and Soujirou Seta in different situations, different ages and different times. Don’t you love imagination?
1. Are Those Bugs In Your Hair?

**Wandering Hysteria Inducers**

_**Universe: Rurouni Kenshin**_

Chapter: 1 – Are those bugs in your hair?  
Author: TakoRanko  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Randomness and OOC Enishi (most probably, but he's not a freakin' psycho now.)  
Pairings: Give me a heads up.  
Disclaimer: Woo wah wah woo.  
Word Count: 740  
Status: UNBETA-ED

Started: 20/10/06, Friday.  
Finished: -

Summary: Semi-crackish Series of oneshots or drabbles depicting Yukishiro Enishi and Soujirou Seta in different situations, different ages and different times. Don't you love imagination?

A/N: HI EVERYONE! –GRINS- (I'm not this hyper in the Real World). Well, since this is my first story posted in please review so that I can improve. It's shabbily put up, but it'll do. Excuse me for my writing style.  
Enjoy.

And by the way, chapter one is an AU.

-

_1 – Are those bugs in your hair?_

-

Blah, blah, blahblahblah.

Was that a piece of lint on his sleeve? Soujirou looked at it interestedly, before getting bored and flicking it out. It hit his companion, but as of course Enichi didn't notice.

How's he supposed to notice? Since he's so engrossed in the girl's blabber, might as well take advantage of it. Soujirou raised an eyebrow at his own thoughts. _Well, Yukishiro-san did drag me along… _Casually, he looked around, and spotted an eraser on the table behind him. Soujirou stretched and grabbed it with relative ease.

_Hmm, I've seen this in the television lots of times. _Soujirou immediately went on to cut the eraser into small, tiny black pieces with his nearby penknife. Collecting the pieces into one bunch, the black-haired boy thought up on what to do next. _So all I have to do is…  
_

Soujirou placed one of the pieces on his palm and flicked at Enishi, aiming for his head.

_Success!  
_

Now there was a glaringly obvious piece of black stuff against Enishi's beloved spiky, snow white hair. _It looked like a bug. OMGLOL._ Soujirou snickered quietly when the Yukishiro spawn still didn't notice. It was perfect. Enishi would be _freaking out_ on the mess, and the girl would prove to be a valuable distraction, so…

Soujirou took aim once again.

-

After the girl was finally gone, Soujirou resumed the customary tapping on the surface of the table with his fingers. Enishi was contented, and looked at Soujirou with a bit of awe and doubt.

"I still can't believe you didn't storm off like you did last time when one of em' talked to me. And it was like… For fifteen long minutes. I'm impressed, Smiley Boy," the white-haired man mused, and Soujirou's smile twitched.

"I do not 'storm off', Yukishiro-san," said Smiley Boy corrected lightly, smile still twitching. "And it was all right. I found something to occupy my time."

"Seriously? Well, whatever. Let's blow this joint, I'm starving." Enishi rubbed the bridge of his nose, slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and started to exit the room. "It's your turn to make dinner. The campus' food still freaks me out, Sou."

"No problem, Yukishiro-san."

"Yeah, yeah."

Halfway, Enishi looked around, before quirking a brow. He shifted his gaze at the seemingly contented black-haired boy. "Something's not right…"

"What is it, Enichi-san?"

"…Nevermind. Is it my imagination, or is everyone giving me more stares than usual?"

Soujirou's smile twitched in amusement yet again, but Enichi brushed it off – Soujirou was known for his frequent know-it-all moments, anyway.

"It's nothing, Enichi-san."

Enichi still looked doubtful – but shrugged, and continued his way towards the apartment he shared with Seta.

-

"You get started on whatever you're gonna make, Sou. I need to piss."

Soujirou made a sound of acknowledgement, already used to Enichi's crass words, and headed towards the kitchen feeling lighter than usual. He started up the stove and took the tomato sauce and minced beef, preparing to heat it up.

"Like WHAT THE _FUCK_!? **_SOUJIROU_**!"

Said Soujirou hummed contentedly as he heard the shout from the bathroom, stirring the meat sauce of the spaghetti he was making, taking care to reverse his motions clockwise and otherwise.

_Dooo dooo dee daaa…_

-

_End of one._

-

**_To Be Continued (?)_**

A/N: Give me suggestions for other situations, if you want. The main reason why I'm doing this is because I enjoy imagining the whole crap. :D That, and these two little suckers are my favourite characters. AHAHAHAHAHHA.

See ya.


	2. Midnight Eccentricities

**  
Wandering Hysteria Inducers  
**

_**Universe: Rurouni Kenshin  
**_Chapter: 2 – Midnight Eccentricities and Revenge… Not Quite.  
Author: TakoRanko  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Randomness and OOC Enishi (most probably, but he's not a freakin' psycho now.)  
Pairings: Give me a heads up.  
Disclaimer: Woo wah wah woo.  
Word Count: 1332  
Status: UNBETA-ED, In-Progress.

Started: 20/10/06, Friday.  
Finished: -

Summary: Semi-crackish. Series of oneshots or drabbles depicting Yukishiro Enishi and Soujirou Seta in different situations, different ages and different times. Don't you love imagination?

A/N: I went back to my childhood and played too many games. 'Nuff said.  
Much thanks to Chaos Valkyrie for my first ever review. :D  
Continuation of the previous AU chapter, most likely.

-

_2 – Midnight Eccentricities and Revenge… Not Quite._

-

It was in the middle of the night.

An apartment, rented by two certain young men, was currently quiet - save for the slight humming of a computer filling the otherwise silent place. A figure was currently hunched over the device, tapping the keys with breakneck speed.

His head was bobbing to the sound coming from the earphones he was wearing, which were plugged to the speakers to prevent any unnecessary sound from waking up the other inhabitant (_"Not that that was truly necessary, the guy slept like a log on schoolday nights."_).

_Dun-deh-dun, dun dun dun dun DUN **DUN! **_

Soujirou Seta was humming under his breath an awesome track of the game he was playing, none other than the Legendary Battle Remix, tapping the keys with extreme speed and just plain being Soujirou (smiles and all).

And of course, definitely without Enishi.

Yep.

The guy would probably never let him live it down if he ever found out.

_Especially_ after the whole eraser thing.

"_How is it able to evade hypnosis so quickly? Damn its speed!" _Soujirou whispered furiously, but feeling the adrenaline in his veins. He wasn't out of balls yet, and the battle was just getting started. At the very least, its depleting health should work to his advantage, Soujirou mused, almost grinning toothily. "Fire does not bow down to ice, after all."

He was going to win this, like it or not.

Soujirou kept his focus, mumbling out comments about the battle and how insolent the creature was for not _"bowing down to my extreme authority"_, that he "_owns the game for kami's sake so let me get this one right, dammit", _barely realizing the minutes passing by like a bullet train. When he finally won and had captured the "_dimwitted bird, you can never outsmart Soujirou Seta",_ all the while humming the victory song quite forcefully as if saying "in your face", he paused the game and glanced at the time on his computer.

"2:51 am…" he trailed off, furrowing his brow before smiling, more of a smirk than anything else. "That's more than enough time for me to sneak into the room. Considering that I've finally captured Articulos and Enishi-san's still sleeping-"

"Sleeping?"

Soujirou choked. He turned his head _slowly_, as if _daring_ the fates to actually _prove_ that the voice _earlier_ was _Enishi's_.

_PLEASE let me be wrong let me be wrong let me be wrong let me be-_

White hair.

Dark eyes.

The _smirk._

The _IMMENSELY AMUSED **SMIRK** of **EPIC PROPORTIONS**_.

Soujirou sprang up from his seat, rational thoughts fleeing from his mind as tried to cover the computer's monitor from his roommate's view using his hands. He could feel another embarrassing babble taking shape on his tongue, just like they always do in LYKOMG situations – and as always, he couldn't stop himself.

"Good, erm, morning, Enishi-san!" Soujirou greeted animatedly, hastily trying to close the window using the mouse but failing miserably. In his haste, he knocked down the mouse and it fell on the floor. He moved to press ALT-F4 – but the damage was already done.

Enishi had _seen_ it. The black-haired boy groaned internally, waiting for it.

And of course, it came.

"So here I was…" the white-haired man started lazily, grinning now, and looking pointedly at the flickering monitor. Soujirou's cheeks burned in embarrassment, and he stalked towards his room, stuffing his ears with two fingers. "…thinking that it'll be one of those normal 'I've gotta piss in the middle of the night' situations…"

"Yes, Enishi-san?" Soujirou strained, smile twitching – and not from amusement this time, but pure, extreme embarrassment. Talk about _bad timing._

"…but suddenly finding someone hunched over my comp," Enishi continued nonetheless, and Soujirou could feel the _smirk _just _radiating _off that comment. He resumed his walk, fingers still in his ears. "Realizing it was the oh-so-perfect Smiley Boy, I just _had _to check out what he was doing."

"You flatter me, Enishi-san," the younger man thanked, even though it was glaringly obvious that the 'oh-so-perfect' comment was dripping in sarcasm. Enishi ignored it, still grinning and smirking and just plain being _jackass-Enishi._

Well, he supposed he deserved it for the day's stunt, but come on! It was the entire guy's fault for dragging him along in the first place!

Soujirou whimpered internally.

"He was mumbling death threats at the computer. And then looming over him, I found out that _lo-and-behold, _he was playing _Pokemon._"

Something went boom.

Probably the moon crashing onto the Earth –

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

Oh. That was just Enishi howling in laughter.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Enishi-san," Soujirou denied, already in his room and flopping down on the bed. Enishi wasn't far behind, still laughing hysterically, moving on to repeat some of the words Soujirou mumbled when he was playing.

"_Dimwitted bird_? The all-mighty _Soujirou Seta_?"

"I still have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh – maybe this one – _bowing to my extreme authority_ – AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"It would be very considerate for you to keep-"

"AHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"-quiet, Enishi-san," Soujirou deadpanned, stuffing his head onto the pillow. Enishi still kept going. Finally having enough, the tired boy cried out, "…There's nothing wrong with playing Pokemon!"

_There. _He admitted it. The laughter stopped, and Soujirou was soon blessed onto blissful silence…

"AHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!"

Head snapping up, Soujirou's left eye twitched before he got up, taking a hold of Enishi's arm and dragging him outside. The boy had incredible strength when needed, and even more so now. He threw the man gasping for air outside his room, paused, and threw a pillow at his face for good measure. Nodding in satisfaction, the boy huffed, before going back inside and slamming the door in Enishi's face.

The giggling went on for the rest of the night.

--

Enishi glared at Soujirou, immensely irritated.

"Ah, well, Enishi-san. It's too bad," Soujirou said cheerfully, opposite of what he was feeling a few hours ago.

The person in question didn't budge at all. Rather, his glare intensified – if it was anyone else, they would've ran away in fear, but of course not Soujirou. _"Noo, damn Smiley Face just **had **to be immune to it."_

"It's just very sad that you had lost your voice, Enishi-san," he continued, egging the older man to take the bait.

They were having lunch outside the main building, on a picnic table under a tree. Soujirou was preparing the packed lunch for both of them, because Enishi simply refused to move from his position after he sat down. He had the same expression on his face from the start of the day till now. Soujirou, personally, thought it was hilarious – but hid it behind a sly grin.

"If you hadn't laughed that much this early morning, you could've embarrassed me in front of everyone, eh? Yep! But I guess Lady Luck is on my side today – whoah!"

Soujirou barely dodged the fist heading towards his face. He laughed delightedly, pleased that he got the upper hand after all.

-

_End of two._

-

A/N: Like I said, give me a situation you want to see the boys in. Keywords and all that. And the only way to do that is either to PM or review, but as like other authors, I prefer the latter. :D

I'm off to my hometown for the rest of the week. :D See ya.


	3. Elaborate Cuisines

**Wandering Hysteria Inducers  
**

_**Universe: Rurouni Kenshin  
**_Chapter: 3 – Elaborate Cuisines  
Author: TakoRanko  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Randomness and OOC Enishi (most probably, but he's not a freakin' psycho now, eh?)  
Pairings: … oo  
Disclaimer: Woo wah wah woo.  
Word Count: 1982  
Status: In-Progress.

Started: 20/10/06, Friday.  
Finished: -

**Summary:** Semi-crackish Series of oneshots or drabbles depicting Yukishiro Enishi and Soujirou Seta in different situations, different ages and different times. Don't you love imagination?

**A/N:** Holiday me no likey. I had to bathe in cold water. ICE COLD! Yargh. :F  
Thank you to the four reviewers! Yet again, Chaos Valkyrie – also to TrisakAminawn, Timmy Khan.

And to the lovely Evee-chan at the back, Enishi will be a proficient cook; I will make sure of it! 8D

(I went totally insane on the second half of the chapter. Forgive me for that, but I'm being attacked by chicken pox for the SECOND TIME and it's meddling with my brain. :D)  
BTW, I have nothing against Pokemon. :D

This is set during Soujirou's current wandering journey and after he met Enishi for a while. (For story purposes, pretend that they knew each other for a while already, and that our little white-haired boy is following Soujirou around like a widdle lost puppy AW.)

-

_3 – Elaborate Cuisines_

-

"Hmm, oh yes! Please do," Soujirou said kindly to the girl. She blushed somewhat predictably before jotting down the order and going off. Enishi was opposite him, tapping the table surface with his fingernails.

"At least we don't have to cook again. Well, maybe only me – it's a universally acknowledged truth that you'll burn anything within a five mile radius given a stove." When Soujirou's smile didn't waver, Enishi growled internally. His eyes scanned the other customers of the Nekozawa Restaurant – peculliar name, but it seemed to be popular in this town. They were sitting at the far corner of the place, to prevent any unpleasant situations. "But why'd you have to order fish? I'm getting real sick of the thing, and I'm sure you are too, after eating it for so _long_. To make matters worse, you just _had_ to order a giant, steamed one."

"The steamed fish will have many small bones in it. Take care when eating, Enishi-san," the black-haired boy replied, not really answering the question.

Enishi scoffed. "I ordered other foodstuff for a reason."

"Oh."

When the food arrived, Soujirou did the customary 'Itadakimasu', while Enishi didn't.

"Enishi-san, we should be grateful for the food that we have – especially for that almost insane amount that you have. Say itadakimasu."

"…Oh yeah." At Soujirou's incredulous look, Enishi shrugged. "I told you, try living in China. I'm more used to the customs over there than in Japan."

"Yes, well… Even until you forgot about this simple gesture?"

"Hey, I almost forgot about the Japanese language altogether. Give me a break."

"Ah."

Enishi shrugged, and looked down at his first plate, before pausing. He looked at the noodles with a strange look in his eyes… And poked it with his chopsticks.

"…Wow. It almost looks like chow mein."

"Chau-mii-what?"

"Chow mein, Chinese stir-fried noodles. Or mian. I can never decide on Cantonese or Mandarin. Heh, I guess I'm closer to home than I thought." Nodding to himself, Enishi mumbled something before digging in, holding up the chopsticks with his left hand. "You don't mind, do you?" Not waiting for a response, Enishi started eating, ignoring the questioning look from Soujirou in favor of his noodles.

"Mind what?"

"Mmumphin'."

"What? …Never mind."

Soujirou looked at his own steamed fish before smiling and proceeding to consume it properly. A long silence ensued between the two wanderers, with only the idle chatter of the customers and the slurping of noodles to fill the background. Enishi ate his orders with astonishing speed, and he even finished his large set of meals before Soujirou did. The plates stacked on the table like a tower. He started on his next meal, the yakisoba…

"Hey, Happy Boy," Enishi started, looking up. "Do you think it's weird that –"

Clack.

Soujirou made a sucking noise, before taking out the offending matter with his chopsticks and putting it aside. He looked curiously at Enishi's expression, and at the fallen eating utensils.

"Yes, Enishi-san?"

…_I didn't see that. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't and for the last time I didn't._

Enishi's smile was extremely strained. "Nothin'. Must be a trick of the light." _Yeah. That must be it. I know Happy Boy is weird, but I also know that he wouldn't do that. Right? Right. He can't suck on …_

Soujirou, oblivious to his companion's current freaked-out status, carefully placed his chopsticks to pop out the other fish's eyeball. Holding it up, he promptly popped it into his mouth.

_Fish eyeballs…_

Enishi's jaw met with the table.

In fact, his jaw probably _loves _the table now. It probably wants to _elope _with the table and _marry _the wooden thing. Certainly, they will have babies. Jaw-table babies. Enishi would be left all alone without a freakin' jaw and with a CREEP THAT SUCKS ON EYEBALLS!

Oh the horror.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the all perfect Soujirou Seta who _I know _wouldn't suck on fish eyeballs as if they were candy!?" Enishi rambled, pointing at the black-haired boy - his words stabbing on him like bullets. At least, that's what he'd _like_ to think… Maybe Soujirou's face is all smiley-smiles when he's being shot?

Hmm. He should try it soon. Break in into a weapons store (if there was even one in this era) and promptly shoot the kid down… Yep. That'll work. Maybe that'll also confirm his theory that Soujirou is a masochist, if he's still smiling.

Inner-Enishi plotted. _Fu fu fu._

"Enishi-san!" Soujirou exclaimed, surprised. (But maybe he's not. You could never know, only that mummy-freak Shishio could tell properly, and from what Enishi heard, the guy spontaneously combusted with his lady.) "You mean to say that you aren't familiar with this?"

The older male's expression didn't change one bit.

"Ah."

"That's all you can say!? Ah!?" The gawking morphed into incredulous gawking. Even though there's little difference, because it's still gawking anyway – _Argh, focus, man! This is a situation here! You don't want to be left alone with this guy without your jaw, do ya!? _Enishi looked down at the table, and could imagine it being alive.

"_I will elope with Jaw-sie-poo! O-HOHOHOHOHOHO! Take that, you worthless piece of person who will be left alone with this fish-eyeball-sucking creep!"_

His left eye twitched. This is totally out of the topic, but in Enishi's twisted mind, it MADE SENSE!

OH MY GAWD!

IT CAN'T HAPPEN!

THIS IS ILLOGICAL!

"But Enishi-san!" Soujirou said, in a somewhat whiny tone. _OHEMGEE lyksht. Soujirou's whining – this is not good. Not good, men! CODE RED! LA LA LA! _"This is perfectly normal! In fact, one of my subordinates has said that sucking on the fish eyeball is a practiced custom. A very prominent one, in fact, from where she came from."

"You have got to be kidding me, Happy Boy."

"Enishi-san, don't be so close minded."

"I am not." He made an 'x' sign with his two arms. "It's like you're sucking on people's eyeballs, you creep!"

"This is **_fish_**!" Soujirou said, almost unbelievingly. How Enishi got into this stage was beyond him. "**_Fish_** do not look remarkably like **_humans_**! Or even a tad bit, for that matter." He suddenly got an image of a man with a fish face.

_Eee_.

"Of course, you dolt! I was talking about the eyeball!"

"The eyeball of the fish is more luminescent than that of a human's. There's a difference, Enishi-san."

"No, there isn't! Sure that it's more lumi-sen-ti-whatever –"

"You mean luminescent."

"Shut it! But it's still an organ of sight! You can't just go around _sucking_ on people's eyeballs -"

"This is _fish_."

"I said shut it!" Enishi barked. He held up a bowl of rice, and pointed at it. "See this?"

"A bowl of rice?"

"Stop smartassing and listen! Jeez. There's a reason why we have bowls of rice."

"Yes, to eat."

"I said _stop_ smartassing and listen, Fish Boy. Anyway, the reason is that it's _normal food, _and people eat _normal food. _Fish eyeballs, especially icky, steamed ones, are not. Normal. _Got_.**_ It_**?" Enishi said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child.

Soujirou looked at him as if _he _was the child, and quirked an eyebrow.

"Don't give me that look!"

"Enishi-san, you're being completely irrational about this. It's just fish eyeballs. In fact, I've heard that Chinese people eat _frogs_ as a delicacy."

"They're frogs. It's natural."

Soujirou's eyebrows flew up instantly. "See! Normal people, as you call it – if they can eat frogs, why can't **_I_** eat fish eyeballs!?"

"Eyeballs are _eyeballs_. That's why. Frogs are just like any other animal."

"That doesn't make sense."

"You cook animals, thus you cook frogs. It's really simple."

"Enishi-san, I have never seen anyone just pick up a frog and place it in a frying pan as if it were chicken!"

"It _does_ taste like chicken."

Now, Soujirou's jaw was the one to dislocate from its position. Oh dear – the table has _two _lovers now? Who will it pick then? This is a very serious dilemma.

"And what'd you mean we just place it in a frying pan? Of course there are the guts to take care of -"

"…Ah." Unwilling to be a participant in this highly peculliar conversation, Soujirou turned away from Enishi and placed his chopsticks horizontally on the plate to signify the end of the meal. "Gochisousama."

"- not to mention how difficult it is to catch a frog in the first place. But after the slaughter, it's all good! And whatever style you'd like to serve it in! Deep-fried! Frog legs with vegetable heart! Fermented soya beans! Bamboo shoots! Braised! Legs with ham! Cutlets! Ceyenne pepper! Ginger! STEAMED!"

"…Enishi-san. I never knew you were so passionate about frogs."

Enishi looked at him as if he was an idiot. "It's the base for all cooks – you have to know which style you want to cook your food in. Duh."

"Well then, it'll be easier if we worked in a restaurant. We're almost out of money – I'll be the waiter and you'll be the cook. How's that, Enishi-san?" Soujirou asked politely, reaching into his pack for said wallet. He blinked. "I… Where's the pouch?"

"What pouch?"

"The… Pouch…"

"… You don't mean to tell me that you've lost our money pouch, do you." Enishi was serious. He didn't even want to think of the humiliation of a former _overlord_ of the Chinese underworld being a _lowly cook_ in a restaurant called _Nekozawa. _Although he had no dislike of the culinary arts, this is ridiculous. "Fish Boy…"

"I…" Soujirou blinked again, and again. Slowly and backwards. But then, he shrugged and smiled. "Ah! It seems that we'll have to work, after all! Ha ha ha ha…"

Enishi hit his head against the table.

-

_End of three._

-

A/N: I tried to be as accurate as I can possibly get, but considering that I don't live in China or Japan, LOL, it's a small hope. But still.

My dad did it before, and I was a bit creeped out. I debated with myself on who to pick for this – but since Enishi would've been the more comical one, so ya. :D But not to worry! Enishi's better than Soujirou in many things too, as you will see in the next chapter. Stay tuned.

When Enishi asked if Soujirou minded or not, he was talking about the chopsticks – he was holding them with his left hand, and generally people handle them with their right hand, right-handed or otherwise. Just a fact.

Review please and I will LUVE YOU END. :3


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